Because of Christmas

As I have been processing these thoughts I am about to share, I have realized that I am possibly running the risk of being cliché, maybe I am. So excuse another person who is trying to bring more meaning back to Christmas, and hear it from a heart that is truly overflowing with gratitude for what my Savior has done in my life.

Tonight as I sat as the opening chords rang out in our Christmas Eve service, I was moved much beyond the expected, my heart suddenly identified with the words I was singing, and gratitude filled my soul. This year, 2010, has been filled with every emotion possible. From heart breaking family things, to breaking my leg, to personal struggles, to amazing victories and redemption beyond description, to say this year has been full is an understatement**.

There was a day, it is clear like it was yesterday in my mind, that I sat in my car with Phil by my side and truly felt hopeless. I have never experienced anything like this. A despair, a deep pain, hopelessness. I remember saying and feeling that I just wanted to feel like myself again, that I wanted to run away from it all. But where do you run to when you feel like everything is crumbling around you? Where do you turn when you feel like even God has betrayed you?

As the questions rang through my being I started to find something. Something unexpected. Something so divine, so saving, there is no denying. I thought I was going to find out why God had allowed these things to happen, but I found something greater. I found a Savior willing to take me as I am, even doubting His very being, and show me Himself. A savior who is so great, so mighty, so life saving, it blew what I thought was faith right out of the water. It has changed me to my core.

This Christmas, it is not just about giving gifts or enjoying more time off of work. Its about something so much greater than that. A Savior come to earth to save me, to save us from this mess we are in, from our hopelessness. This year I am celebrating, I am celebrating this life changing grace that has been showered upon me this year. May I never forget what a sweet Savior I have, what redeeming life he has given me.

This year like the wise men who traveled so far to worship, I want to do that same. To worship my God for what he has done in my life, for who He is, for He is Christ and he has come.

I am sure we have all heard this song a million times, but I challenge you, listen to the words. Don’t let the familiar tune and lyrics get away, grasp what they mean, celebrate with me this new born King. Come with me, come and adore. Imagine as the writer is spilling forth these lyrics, begging us to come with him, to come and see Bethlehem first hand, the baby sent to save us, then SING! Sing all who know him, sing all who have experience His love and kindness, Angels, YOU join in too! Come, behold him, worship, oh come! Glory to God, Glory in the highest, with all that is in me, Glory to the one who saves.

Oh Come let us Adore Him, Oh COME let us Adore HIM, Oh Come let us Adore Him, Christ the LORD!

These are not tears I cry in pain or in sorrow, but in joy for the work the King has done in me, for He has brought joy to the sorrow, laughter to the pain, sense out of the madness, peace to chaos, rest to the restless. So sing, sing to the King for what He has done, for coming to this broken world and bringing the solution. He is Chirst the LORD.    

May this Christmas be filled with a new meaning, with a Christ who is more real than ever before. And if you do not know this Christ yet, discover Him, He is waiting to show you these things.

**I know that there is many gaps in my story this year, I have eluded to many things happening that have been extremely hard this year. I have wanted to share details, there has just not been the right time and because it is not just my story to tell, I desire to respect others that are involved. For those of you who know what has gone on, I can not thank you enough for the support you have shown me and my family. For those of you who do not know, please know I am open and willing to share.

On Being a Student

These past few weeks have really been a struggle being a student. On many occasions I have joked about just quitting and forgetting about getting a masters. For some reason in the last class we had, even though it meant we only had three classes left, it felt like three classes were an eternity. I think part of it was just burn out, part that it seems like May is so far away.

Tonight I am sitting in the third class of five of our third to last class (yes I am blogging in class, yes, I am still paying attention!) and I finally feel some hope for finishing. There is a ton to complete before the end of this class and even more to complete before I walk across that stage, but it is coming!

Truth be known, I really do love learning. I have found the topics we have studied to be very interesting and have loved being able to implement many things in my job and also in my personal life. I think my frustration comes in because I know I am not able to give everything to all my areas of my life. It is hard to know that sometimes my house does not get the attention it should because I am writing another paper, or my homework is not getting the attention it needs because I am going to small group, or maybe just need to relax for the evening.

I guess that’s part of what I am learning. To balance an extremely full life and do my best with what I have been given. Learning to do my best with what I have and letting the rest go. These past months of being in school have shown me even more what I am passionate about and have taught me a lot about how I can accomplish these things.

As I look forward, I am excited for the future, and I am really excited to be done with school… again. May will come, I am sure the time will fly by, so today I am going to try and enjoy this moment. Yep, today with papers, all the nights of the week spoken for, crazy work and many other things going on. But that is my today!

Reindeer Run 2010

On December 4^th, Phil, Emily and I ran the Reindeer Run around Lake Harriet. The night before we had another big snow storm (well, what we thought was big until this last BIG storm) so the whole course was packed with snow and a little slippery. 

When the race started, there were so many people and such a little space plowed that you could not even run. It took quite a while for the crowd to loosen up and the running to begin. Once it did, it was a really great run and SO beautiful with all the new snow.

I think I am going to take a month break from running races. I can feel that my knee is still healing and I want to make sure the injury is totally healed before I run any more, and lets be honest, running a race in January just does nothing for me!

Decking the Halls Pt. 2

As promised, the second edition of our Christmas preparations! Other years I have really enjoyed decorating, but this year we have had even more fun getting ready. Maybe it is because I have finally figured out how to love the season without hating the weather, or maybe because Phil and I are really enjoying starting new traditions. Either way, it really has been a lot of fun!

Our tree this year is so special to me, every time I look at it, I smile because I remember the fun we had creating all the decorations. My younger sister also made these awesome wooden blocks that say “Buckles” all decorated for Christmas. I love having personal things with meaning behind them!

One of my good friends came over last weekend and we baked an unreal amount of Christmas cookies as well. We made six different kinds and doubled each recipe. I thought I would never be able to get rid of them all, but I have brought cookies to about everything I can think of and given them to neighbors and they are slowly disappearing.

And what would be a blog post without some silly picture or video of the puppy? (I have said that before huh?) After playing the snow with Oliver on Saturday we realized that his paws were getting packed with snow and raw from salt and very cold. Since he is mostly indoors, he just does not have the chance to get used to the cold. Sunday we decided that we needed a different training collar for him and also wanted to see if we could get him boots. (Yes I know… we are crazy). After going to two different pet stores and trying different ones on him (yes, he came with and we tried them on him!) we decided that nothing was quite right. So we ventured over to REI where I knew they had some as well. Since you typically cannot bring dogs into stores, but we did not want to buy without seeing if they worked, I ran in to ask if he could come in. I was really surprised that they were totally ok with it!

So many people got a kick out of us. It was like trying to find shoes for a three year old. We were both sitting on the floor of the store while Oliver was distracted by EVERYTHING while we were trying to get the boots on. In the end, we found a pair that worked really well, and he actually really likes them. (Want them for your dog? You can find them here! http://www.rei.com/product/74745)

When we got home, he had so much fun playing in the snow and they worked super well, I would recommend them highly so far! Once he is old enough to starting running with me, they will work really well so that his paws to not rub raw.

I know, two videos, a little excessive, but they were both so funny, I could not leave one out!

Oliver digging in the Snow from Katie Buckles on Vimeo.

Happy Monday!

Snow Day!

OK, well, if it were a weekday, it would totally be a snow day! We have known all week that we were getting to have a huge snowstorm this weekend, but when it had not started snowing by nine last night, I started to have my doubts. This morning when we woke up, we were greeted by almost a foot of snow, and it was still coming! By noon EVERYTHING in the cities had closed (ok maybe not everything, but almost everything!) even our church called off their services at all campuses.  Phil was supposed to be doing lights this weekend, so when I found out he would not be leaving, Oliver and I did a happy dance in the living room! Turns out it is a really good thing since we literally cannot get out of our garage right now. (my guess is we are up to two feet of snow, but because of the wind there are drifts higher then my waist!)

After fully taking advantage of a Saturday snow day (aka, lying on the couch under many blankets) we decided to venture outside and see if we could dig out. After a few unsuccessful tries with the snow blower we tried shoveling, but the wind was still whipping the snow around so much that you would shovel and right away it would fill back in. And since it is still coming down (and is not supposed to stop until midnight) we decided that if we were going to make any progress a snow blower or plow was the only way.

Thankfully our neighbor across the street who is house bound is letting us borrow hers. I am feeling a little guilty right now because I am on the couch snuggled under a blanket and Phil is out snow blowing still! I do have a good excuse… Oliver was getting really cold and he needed to get inside… and really, snow blowing is not a two person job… right? Phil is awesome, what would I do without him? Oh, I know, I would be stuck in my house until May when all this snow melts away :)

This picture was taken this morning when there was not as much snow. Now you cannot see Emily's car, it is literally a bump in the snow!

Oliver LOVES the snow. We played for a really long time. there are times when all I can see is him jumping through the snow because it is over his back.

I am off to make a warm dinner for Phil when he comes in, it’s the least I can do!

Decking the Halls

I have been excited to write this post all day because in my opinion we have the coolest decorations on our tree this year! Like I mentioned in a previous post, while my family was here over Thanksgiving we had Christmas early and decorated together and made Cinnamon Ornaments for the tree.

When I was young, my Mom made these with us, and even though I think we only did it once I always have thought about that as a tradition we did. Maybe it was because every year we would pull them out so it seemed like we did it more.

This year I wanted more special decorations on our tree. In the past three years we have been married we have gathered some special decorations, but most of them are Target blah. Nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe I am too sentimental, but part of what I loved about decorating as a kid was pulling out all the decorations that had special meaning to us and remembering everything.

Well this year has changed our decorations! If you are in need of more decorations, or just want to have fun I highly suggest making these, they are super easy, make the house smell AMAZING, and making and decorating them makes sweet memories!

Cinnamon Ornaments

Prep Time: 30 minutes

Cook Time: 2 1/2 hours or 1 to 2 days drying timeINGREDIENTS

·         3/4 cup applesauce

·         1 bottle (4.12 ounces) Cinnamon

Supplies needed:

·         Cookie cutters

·         Drinking straw

·         Colorful ribbon or raffia DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 200°F. Mix applesauce and cinnamon in small bowl until a smooth ball of dough is formed. (You may need use your hands to incorporate all of the cinnamon.) Using about 1/4 of the dough at a time, roll dough to 1/4-inch to 1/3-inch thickness between two sheets of plastic wrap. Peel off top sheet of plastic wrap. Cut dough into desired shapes with 2- to 3-inch cookie cutters. Make a hole at top of ornament with drinking straw or skewer. Place ornaments on greased baking sheet.

2. Bake 2 1/2 hours. Cool ornaments on wire rack. (Or, to dry ornaments at room temperature, carefully place them on wire rack. Let stand 1 to 2 days or until thoroughly dry, turning occasionally.)

3. Insert ribbon through holes and tie to hang. Decorate with opaque paint markers, found in arts and crafts stores, if desired. Tips

Kitchen Tip: If a different size bottle of cinnamon is used, measure 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons cinnamon.

Some of the decorations drying

Being creative.. ok Emily and Marta are, I am just trying to keep up!



Because what is a post if I don't have a picture of the puppy in it?



Happy baking... and still to come, "Decking the Halls, Part 2!"

A Continuing story

Since my last post ended abruptly, I thought I would continue today.

Wednesday evening we drove out to Phil’s parent’s home in a snow storm. Normally it would take us about forty-five minutes to get there but this time is was almost a hour and a half. PD just slept in the back.

Once we got there it hit me like a brick. I felt like I could not breathe, that I was going to throw up, and like I just wanted to run. To run so fast that I would not have to say goodbye or do what we were doing. I thought that a week and a half later I would be able to talk about this without tears, I guess not.

Putting him down was horrible. Because of his tumors all the meds did not work like they should have, so the end was not peaceful like I had hoped. But he was loved until the end. I can’t imagine what it is like to lose a family member if a dog is this hard. Every time I come home, wake up in the middle of the night, sit on the couch, anything, I look for him.

The rest of the week with my family was amazing. I can’t even explain how happy it made me. On Friday we were able to celebrate my brothers 20^th birthday along with my Grandparents and some good family friends. I just love having the house full of people and life. My mom made probably the best fajitas I have ever had as well… Seriously, I know I am a adult and have not lived at home for many years, but I really miss my moms cooking!

Friday afternoon after everyone had left we decided that since we will not be all together for Christmas that we would have our own celebration. Honestly, it made my year! Together we made cinnamon ornaments to hang on the tree. This is something Mom did with Emily and me when we were young and to all be adults doing this was a blast. And now we have tons of very special memories on the tree. (more on our cinnamon ornaments in a upcoming post!!)

Saturday we did more decorating and relaxing. I think that was the best part of our time together, no schedule, no jobs, no school (ok, we were all in denial about the school piece) just us together relaxing and being together.

Saturday night Phil ran to Best Buy and got the Wii version of the old Mario Brothers game. My mom, brother, Phil and I ended up playing for quite a while. I think that is the first time I have ever played video games with my Mom, and it was a blast.

Sunday my brother left on an earlier flight and then Mom and Marta on a afternoon flight. It was so hard to say goodbye! I managed to not completely cry in the airport, in the car was a different story. It’s hard being so far away from them, but I am so thankful for the gift of them being here.

This week has goon really fast, I can’t believe it is all ready Friday. We have been really busy with work and school. Phil and I both had a paper and a huge project due on Wednesday that consumed a lot of our time. Thankfully we are now done with that class and are moving onto the third from last!

Happy (snowy) weekend!

(and for those of you who do not live in Minnesnowta, we are told we will have at least six inches on the ground before morning! Can you say sledding with the puppy?! I can!)

Two Weeks Later…

Yes, I know, it has been two weeks since I have last posted… and yes these last two weeks have probably been the most eventful weeks all fall. I guess I have found out the first thing to fly out of the window when I am busy… sorry blog!

Despite there being so much going on still I want to play catch-up. This post I wrote on Thanksgiving night and was going to post, but ended not being able to finish it because I was still so emotional. So I thought I would post it now and hopefully over the weekend I will be able to write more!

Because I will want to Remember this…

For days now I have been writing this post in my head (sound familiar… Yes, I guess I do this a lot). This last week has been full with just about every emotion a person can have. I am a little exhausted and part of me does not have the energy to even be writing, but as I worked on Thanksgiving dinner today, I kept on thinking about how I will want to remember this when I am sixty, how I want my grandchildren to hear these stories of the last week, so I am writing. Really, if I had been posting every day, I would have told many stories, so I will try and capture this here.

Wisdom Teeth

As Phil so kindly shared with all of you this last weekend, my surgery went well, and yes, the chipmunk may have been a bit of an exaggeration, I was truly very swollen. Every time I looked in a mirror all Saturday I would start laughing so hard I literally had to hold my checks.  Thankfully most of the swelling and bruising is gone and I am almost eating normally.

Monday I did not go to work as planned, I was still in too much pain and taking pain killers that prevented me from driving. The extra time off was nice and also really needed. I slept in more this last weekend than I thought I was capable of.

All weekend, as I realized that we were going to be saying goodbye to PD and that Phil and I were not going to be able to make it to New Mexico for Christmas, I realized how much I wanted to have my mom and sister come for the week. I literally begged them all weekend, looked at tickets for them, sent hints in text messages, emails… However the plane tickets tripled in price in one night and they told me they were not able to come after all. I was super sad, but totally understood.

Tuesday

Tuesday I went back to work, and was extremely busy with all that is going on. I have been given a few more responsibilities at work and this is a busy season for us as well. I am thankful for things to take my mind off of putting PD down.

When I got home from work on Tuesday I crashed on the couch and a while longer the doorbell rang. As I got up, through the window I could see my Mom & sister from New Mexico and also my Brother from Milwaukee as well as Emily and Phil walking up to the door. I was completely astounded. I ran to the door crying, literally ran out into the snow in my socks. I was so surprised and so excited to see them. They completely had me fooled that they were not coming. Phil and Emily had known they were coming since the weekend and though there were a few close calls, I was totally fooled.

Having everyone here means so much more than having family around for a holiday. To have us all there to say good bye to PD was so hard/special/emotional/close… so many things.  Cooking Thanksgiving with my sister and mom is what we always did growing up was great.

Tuesday night as I went to bed I was totally overcome with knowing this was the last night I would have my puppy in my room sleeping on my floor. I literally laid on his bed with him a wept into his coat. Saying goodbye was the hardest things I have ever done. Though it was so hard, I am thankful I was able to thank him for being such a great dog.

Wednesday

 Wednesday was hard. There is no other way around it. It was very bittersweet because on one hand it is/was so amazing to have my family here and yet for me there was a sense of doom all day. We did not put him down until the evening so we had all day to love him.

Mom, Emily and I took PD for a walk since this is his favorite thing to do. It killed me that he still jumped around with excitement waiting as we all got our shoes on. It was a good last walk. It truly killed me inside.

Most of the day I just tried to enjoy him and love him as best as I knew how. I just don’t feel like I loved him a fraction of how much he loved us. Over this past week his health has progressively gotten worse, so it was not a question anymore of us doing the right thing, yet I still wanted to hang on, I wanted to never let go.

In the late afternoon I was sitting on our bedroom floor running my fingers through his fur and just talking to him. After a while everyone ended up all around him on the floor crying and talking about all our memories of our sweet dog. So much life has been lived since he was a puppy, so much has changed, he was truly the last link to a family that was together.

As we all sat there we were able to pray together and just thank God for the gift of PD. It was excruciating. It was sweet. It was sad. It was therapeutic.

Phil’s parents were extremely gracious and said we could bury him on their farm as well as arranged a vet to come right to the house so we did not have to bring him to a clinic.

I think it is all to raw to talk about yet. Even just thinking about typing Wednesday evening is making me cry. Though today has been better, but it is raw and my heart hurts so badly still. I am not sure I have ever cried as hard as I did yesterday. Even today as I look around the house looking for him I am constantly over come with the huge hole he has left.