Two Weeks Later…

Yes, I know, it has been two weeks since I have last posted… and yes these last two weeks have probably been the most eventful weeks all fall. I guess I have found out the first thing to fly out of the window when I am busy… sorry blog!

Despite there being so much going on still I want to play catch-up. This post I wrote on Thanksgiving night and was going to post, but ended not being able to finish it because I was still so emotional. So I thought I would post it now and hopefully over the weekend I will be able to write more!

Because I will want to Remember this…

For days now I have been writing this post in my head (sound familiar… Yes, I guess I do this a lot). This last week has been full with just about every emotion a person can have. I am a little exhausted and part of me does not have the energy to even be writing, but as I worked on Thanksgiving dinner today, I kept on thinking about how I will want to remember this when I am sixty, how I want my grandchildren to hear these stories of the last week, so I am writing. Really, if I had been posting every day, I would have told many stories, so I will try and capture this here.

Wisdom Teeth

As Phil so kindly shared with all of you this last weekend, my surgery went well, and yes, the chipmunk may have been a bit of an exaggeration, I was truly very swollen. Every time I looked in a mirror all Saturday I would start laughing so hard I literally had to hold my checks.  Thankfully most of the swelling and bruising is gone and I am almost eating normally.

Monday I did not go to work as planned, I was still in too much pain and taking pain killers that prevented me from driving. The extra time off was nice and also really needed. I slept in more this last weekend than I thought I was capable of.

All weekend, as I realized that we were going to be saying goodbye to PD and that Phil and I were not going to be able to make it to New Mexico for Christmas, I realized how much I wanted to have my mom and sister come for the week. I literally begged them all weekend, looked at tickets for them, sent hints in text messages, emails… However the plane tickets tripled in price in one night and they told me they were not able to come after all. I was super sad, but totally understood.

Tuesday

Tuesday I went back to work, and was extremely busy with all that is going on. I have been given a few more responsibilities at work and this is a busy season for us as well. I am thankful for things to take my mind off of putting PD down.

When I got home from work on Tuesday I crashed on the couch and a while longer the doorbell rang. As I got up, through the window I could see my Mom & sister from New Mexico and also my Brother from Milwaukee as well as Emily and Phil walking up to the door. I was completely astounded. I ran to the door crying, literally ran out into the snow in my socks. I was so surprised and so excited to see them. They completely had me fooled that they were not coming. Phil and Emily had known they were coming since the weekend and though there were a few close calls, I was totally fooled.

Having everyone here means so much more than having family around for a holiday. To have us all there to say good bye to PD was so hard/special/emotional/close… so many things.  Cooking Thanksgiving with my sister and mom is what we always did growing up was great.

Tuesday night as I went to bed I was totally overcome with knowing this was the last night I would have my puppy in my room sleeping on my floor. I literally laid on his bed with him a wept into his coat. Saying goodbye was the hardest things I have ever done. Though it was so hard, I am thankful I was able to thank him for being such a great dog.

Wednesday

 Wednesday was hard. There is no other way around it. It was very bittersweet because on one hand it is/was so amazing to have my family here and yet for me there was a sense of doom all day. We did not put him down until the evening so we had all day to love him.

Mom, Emily and I took PD for a walk since this is his favorite thing to do. It killed me that he still jumped around with excitement waiting as we all got our shoes on. It was a good last walk. It truly killed me inside.

Most of the day I just tried to enjoy him and love him as best as I knew how. I just don’t feel like I loved him a fraction of how much he loved us. Over this past week his health has progressively gotten worse, so it was not a question anymore of us doing the right thing, yet I still wanted to hang on, I wanted to never let go.

In the late afternoon I was sitting on our bedroom floor running my fingers through his fur and just talking to him. After a while everyone ended up all around him on the floor crying and talking about all our memories of our sweet dog. So much life has been lived since he was a puppy, so much has changed, he was truly the last link to a family that was together.

As we all sat there we were able to pray together and just thank God for the gift of PD. It was excruciating. It was sweet. It was sad. It was therapeutic.

Phil’s parents were extremely gracious and said we could bury him on their farm as well as arranged a vet to come right to the house so we did not have to bring him to a clinic.

I think it is all to raw to talk about yet. Even just thinking about typing Wednesday evening is making me cry. Though today has been better, but it is raw and my heart hurts so badly still. I am not sure I have ever cried as hard as I did yesterday. Even today as I look around the house looking for him I am constantly over come with the huge hole he has left.